


Five Times Steve Asked Out a Straight Guy

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluid Sexuality, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:24:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1881561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve used to have excellent “gaydar.” Now he keeps asking out straight guys by mistake.</p><p>AKA all the straight men Steve knows are willing to switch teams for him, but they have other reasons for not going out with him. </p><p>(Some of the pairings mentioned are just sexual attraction/etc., and not actual relationships).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Steve Asked Out a Straight Guy

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings that there are many things that might be offensive to some readers. Because the fic is in part about Steve adjusting to dating as a gay man in this century, this fic portrays his coworkers as flawed; none are virulently homophobic or anything, but they are far from perfect, to add some realism. Please do not read if you do not want to see any of the following: the terms "straight" and "gaydar," a gay man asking out and being rejected by straight men or a cracky treatment of this premise, vague references to 1940s homophobia, Clint making slightly offensive comments about sexuality, Brock making offensive comments just in general, and characters who only mention gay, straight and bisexual and don't mention any other sexualities.

“So, you want to go dancing some time?” Steve asked nervously.

Tony looked up from his workbench. “Did you just ask me out?”

“Yeah.” Steve tried not to blush.

“That is _awesome_ ,” Tony said.

“So that’s a yes?” Steve said with a smile.

“Sure, why not? I mean, I’m straight, but I experimented a little when I was younger. I can probably pick it up again.” Tony said.

“Well… if you’re straight, then that probably would pose some problems in a long-term relationship.”

“Oh, you want a long-term relationship? I don’t really do those with men _or_ women.” Tony scrunched his nose at the thought.

“Oh. I think maybe we should stay just friends.”

“Okay, Cap, no prob. But if you ever want a one night stand or something, I’d be open-minded about it.”

“Great,” Steve said, smiling politely, hiding his disappointment.

\--

The thing is, Steve had been with heterosexual men before, the kind who was happy to make do with what was nearby until a woman came around. And he remembered what it was like when hardly anyone was open about their sexuality. What he really wanted was a stable relationship with a man who wanted to be with another man who was open and comfortable with being gay or bisexual (or the other terms for people who sometimes like men that Steve was just starting to learn). 

He noticed men looking at him sometimes, staring at his body, or maybe just flirting with him. He was pretty sure he recognized the signs.

Sure, it turned out that Tony hadn’t really been interested in him. But Tony had such a flirtatious personality that it made sense that Steve had been confused.

Coulson, however, was a different story. He had definitely noticed Coulson checking him out.

But when he asked, Coulson said, looking a bit reluctant, “I’m incredibly honored, Captain, but I just think that it wouldn’t be wise while I’m in charge of SHIELD.”

“Oh. Of course. Thank you for being direct. Though at least I wasn’t off about you dating men.”

“Oh yeah, that too. I prefer women. Though there was this brief time in my teens where I stared at your poster a lot, but once I became more social and actually got dates with girls I didn’t need that so much.”

Steve frowned. After their first meeting, Coulson had toned down the adulation considerably. It wasn’t quite comfortable to see it return.

“Okay. Well, just friends then?”

“Great!” Coulson said. “… Need a hug?”

“I’m okay.”

\--

“You want to go for coffee or something?”

“Sure,” Antoine said.

“…You know I mean on a date, right?”

“Oh. Um… well, I’m flattered. And believe me, it’s tempting. But the thing is, I grew up hearing stories about you from my grandpa. It makes it kind of weird.”

“Oh. Sure. I understand. So I bet he was accepting when you came out. He was always a really open-minded guy, and a lot of people weren’t back then.”

“Came out? No, I’m straight.”

“But…”

“If there’s anyone I’d switch teams for, it’s Captain America, you know? But yeah, I’ve never really been interested in experimenting before now or anything.”

“Okay. Well, good talk. Say hi to your granddad.”

“Will do.”

\--

“Hey, Cap, I’m gonna watch some porn and grind one out. Wanna join me?” Brock said.

“Oh. I’m a little old-fashioned I guess. How about going out to dinner first?” Steve said.

“Nah. I mostly just want to see what superpowered jizz looks like.”

“Pretty much like anyone else’s.”

“That’s disappointing.”

“Are you straight?” Steve asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

\--

“Hell, yeah,” Clint said when Steve asked him out.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re on my free pass list.”

“What?” Steve asked.

“When Nat and I got together, we each got to choose 3 men and 3 women that we get a free pass to ‘cheat’ on each other with. I put you mostly as a joke – like you were just some guy in history at the time, it was before you were found. I mean, I’m not into men, so I figured it wouldn’t matter. But hell yeah, I’ll fuck a major historical figure. How do you want to do it? Is it like they do it in gay porn? Because Nat watches a lot of gay porn and some of those guys are really flexible.”

“Are you seriously generalizing about all gay people based on what you see in porn?” Steve said.

“Oh. Sorry. Foot in mouth. But, hey, how about you, me, and Nat? You like threesomes?”

“Yeah, but not so much with women. I’m pretty much only into men.”

“Oh. Well, that’s okay.”

“And I was looking more for like a relationship.”

“Oh. Yeah, Natasha and I don’t have a list for that.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not upset, are you Steve?” Clint asked.

“No, sorry, I just… it’s frustrating. I mean, I used to have excellent gaydar. We didn’t call it that back then, but believe me, you grow up when I did, if you wanted to get laid, you needed it. I don’t know why I keep misreading guys’ signals.”

“Oh. You should ask Bruce. He’s like an expert on being gay.”

Steve sighed. “I don’t think that someone can be an expert on it. There’s not one way to be gay.”

“I didn’t mean it in an offensive way. He’s literally an expert. He wrote a couple books on gay community building through history, and another one on LGBT activism. Wait, I get it now, yeah, I could have phrased that differently.”

“Okay. Thanks. By the way, who else was on your free-pass list? Just out of curiosity.”

Clint thought. “I think it was Maria Hill, Melinda May, Victoria Hand, Phil Coulson, Nick Fury, and you.”

“Clint, you realize that that’s basically a list of the people who outrank you.”

“So?”

“So, I think that maybe it’s an understatement when people say you have issues with authority figures.”

“Shut up, sir.”

\--

“Steve, it’s not that you can’t read people any more. It’s just that men who are almost always attracted only to women find themselves ogling you a little.”

“It can’t just be … looks.” Steve was starting to blush.

“It’s the whole fantasy,” Bruce said. “They like your body, your heroism, the image, and also what they know of the real you. You’re a great guy. It’s easy to see why even straight guys would go a little crazy for you. Though… why did you think I would know what you should do in your personal life? I’m not that kind of doctor.”

“It’s Clint’s fault,” Steve mumbled.

“Anyway, why not use online dating?”

“I don’t like meeting strangers online. Or talking about myself online. Or trying to figure out what people are really like by reading what they say online.”

“So I take it you don’t like social media?”

“Is googling 20th century history a kind of social media?” Steve asked.

“No.”

“Then no, I don’t.”

“Okay,” Bruce said, smiling at him.

“I really like being with people I consider friends. People I have a few things in common with, you know. Would you ever um, consider, um…”

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” Bruce said.

“Oh. Okay.”

“But you’ll find someone. Sam, for example, was just here complaining that he’s into you but he thinks you’re straight and he doesn’t want to send any signals that will affect your friendship.”

Steve’s ears perked up. “Really? Wait, are you allowed to tell me that?”

“Again, not that kind of doctor. So yes.”

“Oh.”

“If you’re done, I’m going to go meditate now. Don’t interrupt.”

“Got it. And thanks, Bruce. This really helped.”

“Yeah. But really, you should have taken Clint up on that offer. If there’s anyone I’d switch sides for, it’s Natasha.”

“Okay. Have fun meditating.”

“Have fun calling Sam.”


End file.
